The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

“The abuse always happened when the kids were in bed,” she said. “They never witnessed anything.”

It is common to believe, or hope, that children are not witnessing the abuse or being directly impacted by domestic violence in their household. It is also common to believe that children are ONLY impacted if they witness physical abuse. The reality is 1 in 7 people globally experience childhood domestic violence and 15 million children are currently being impacted by domestic violence in the United States. 15 million children.

Children are greatly impacted by witnessing or being around all types of domestic violence, including emotional, verbal and physical abuse. The reality is that even if a child never witnesses one parent abuse the other, the emotional tone in that home is often one filled with tension, fear, and control. This environment can negatively impact children and their development all on its own. Children who have witnessed domestic violence can present with a wide range of trauma symptoms and often meet criteria for the diagnosis Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Children who are growing up in homes with domestic violence feel like they are in a constant state of survival, constantly living in a fight, flight and freeze response. 

Let’s take a closer look at some of the ways domestic violence impacts children:  

Emotional 

• Anxiety 

• Flashbacks 

• Nightmares 

• Guilt or shame 

• Confusion 

• Anger

• Fear

• Numbness

• Depression

Behavioral 

• Not wanting to go to school 

• Acting out 

• Withdrawing- not wanting to be social or isolating oneself 

• Overly caring for other family members 

• Overly attached to caregiver 

• Overachieving 

• Sleeping problems

• Difficult to set limits with

• Dysregulation 

• Self-Harm

Physical 

• Somatic complaints such as stomachaches, headaches, etc.

• Getting sick often 

• Regression in developmental milestones such as potty training or thumb sucking 

• Tired 

• Hyperactive 

Cognitive 

• Often times children can feel responsible for the abuse 

• Trust issues 

• Low self esteem 

• Feeling responsible to keep siblings or a caregiver safe 

For a child witnessing domestic violence between their parents, it is a very confusing time and oftentimes creates very contradictory feelings. Reading this information can feel very overwhelming and scary. It is important to know that children and families can heal from domestic violence and you do not have to go through this alone. The most important thing is to talk to your child about what is happening in a safe space. Children deserve to know that the abuse is not their fault and is not ok. It is also important to be able to talk to them about safety.

There are many organizations that can help you and your child safety plan and support you through this time. Therapy is also a great resource for your child where their feelings and experiences are validated. At The Haven, we have many staff who have over 50 years of cumulative experience working with families impacted by domestic violence and are here to help and answer any questions you may have! 

Domestic Violence Resources and Sources: 

• Genesis Women’s Shelter and Support - Genesis

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

• ‘When Dad Hurts Mom’ by Lundy Bancroft : Amazon

• Childhood Domestic Violence Association- defining-cdv

Until we see you,

Jordan & The Haven Team